Monday, July 21, 2014

Silas Bear

Silas turns 6 weeks old tomorrow! 

In honor of this, I have created a list. A top 10 list of the most awesome things about my son! In no particular order.....

1. He is smiling real smiles now. For sure real, not just windy ones. He smiled at us all weekend. I did not get a single one on camera, but that's okay because it's all about relishing the moment! In fact, he is smiling in his sleep right now :)

2. I love that I can settle him with a hug. I laid down next to to my fussy baby last night and he fell asleep right away. That's pretty precious. And convenient. 

3. He has this little chuckle that sounds like. "Heh heh heh heh" and it's AWESOME. He does it in his sleep too. We love it. 

4. I love how he looks at me in the wee morning hours. These little bright eyes shining in the dark melt my heart. It makes the tiredness face away (almost). 

5. He appreciates the importance of fine dining. We took him to Il Terazzo on Saturday night and were astonished (concerned) when he didn't fall asleep in the car on the way there! He could not have been better behaved though! He looked around a bunch, then fell asleep despite the noise of a busy establishment and slept until we got home. We (and the other diners) appreciated these fine manners. 

6. He spends 30 minutes in his crib each morning looking at his aquarium and making adorable noises while mom showers and has breakfast. It's a good time for him to learn how to entertain himself a little. 

7. He plays with the hair on the back of his head. I don't know yet if this signifies tiredness or if it's just damn cute, but it's dammmmmnnnnn cute! 

8. I looooove how he looks in the mirror when I change his diapers. We make eye contact, and lately he has been rewarding me and this neat trick with BIG smiles. It's so bless. Also...so genius of me to use this dresser and mirror combo. 

9. He's grown 6 inches since birth! This one is all legs. He hasn't been weighed since his last check up on July 3 (8 lb 9 oz!), so I have no idea how much he weighs, but we will find out Friday at his 6 week check up! Guesses? I say....9 lbs, 7 oz. 

10. His sweet neck strength! He's able to hold his head up for several seconds at a time. It's amazing watching these milestones and noticing the changes. It's going by so fast though! My little baby is not going to be little for too long!!! (Sniff sniff) 


I could go on, but I won't. Just know...Silas is super awesome. 

Some snaps from the past week.....








Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Silas At Five Weeks

I can't believe it's already been five weeks. Time is going crazy fast. My days are spent in a haze of feeding, diaper changes, long walks, visits, and staring at him in disbelief that he is mine. 

We're a busy twosome during the week while dad is at work. We have "play dates" with Melissa and Felix, meet friends for coffee, head out on long walks (logged 25 km last week!), do laundry and try to make dinner (50% of the time it works every time). And sometimes we watch a lot of Netflix while cluster feeding. The days are just packed. 

Silas is working on his sweet neck strength and is much better at holding up his head. He sometimes enjoys tummy time, and is learning to play with some basic colourful toys. He is very alert in the mornings, and likes to spend 30 minutes or so in his crib watching his aquarium while I shower and scarf down breakfast. 

He falls asleep in the car, and seems to enjoy being in his car seat during walks more than in his bassinet. I think it's because he likes to sit up and check out the world. When het gets fussy, he'll take his money pacifier, but we use that sparingly. 

I have been peed on several times now, and the other day I got spit up in my hair. I actually got peed on in a restaurant today and it looked like I had wet myself. I don't even care, it's all part of the fun. 

I'd love for him to sleep a little longer at night. We're still on the every 1.5 - 2.5 wake ups, which is exhausting  it necessary for a breastfed baby. Again, It's all part of the fun. And it won't last forever (right?! RIGHT!?). And he's just SO SWEET. His wee face in the darkness, his sparkling eyes searching me out. It's heart melting. 

I'm grateful for the meals that my mom has made and dropped off for us. And the food that friends have simply left on our doorstep with a text message and no expectations of a visit (wonderful). Meals and nourishment are signs that they really get it. I'm grateful for the massage my mom got for me, and I look forward to using it because I could really really use one. And the gifts! Good lord, people are generous and thoughtful. It's incredible. 

We arer so loved, and so cared for by others. Our village is the best. 

x



Tuesday, July 08, 2014

Motherhood

People always told me "no one ever tells you how hard it is". One month in, I now know what they were really talking about. Below are my somewhat unorganized, sleep deprived thoughts on parenthood, one month in. 

I was nervous before Silas was born. I had enjoyed pregnancy so much, and I KNEW that what lay before me was a much harder task than dealing with heartburn and cankles. I was excited to meet him, but I was already mourning the loss of my spare time. I was also questioning my abilities - would I be a good mom? How on earth does one care for a newborn 24/7? 

I'm happy to report that it has all felt pretty natural. I care for my son because it's what mothers do. My heart and whole being are here to nurture and love him and that has come easily for me. I laid eyes on him in the OR and claimed him as my own. My flesh and blood. Mine. Ours. 

Bringing him home has been a joy, and Silas is, so far, an easy and lovely baby. If he cries, it's because he wants to eat, or he has a dirty diaper, or he just wants a cuddle (if I am not already holding him). He is all about mommy right now because I am the primary caregiver and his arms and eyes have begun to search me out. It's heart melting. One day in the near future, he will think dad is pretty good too, but right now his needs are basic: boobs. It's both incredible and exhausting to be needed so. There's no one like your mommy. 

So what has surprised me most so far? 

1): The intensity of breastfeeding. It is time consuming and I feel like I am constantly attached to him because he wants to feed 90% of the time he is awake. That's okay because I love the snuggles, but it does mean I have had to let go of the idea of being on a schedule of any kind for now. It's feed on demand and while I thought that would mean every three hours, it's more like every hour. Or two hours. Or every 15 minutes. It's here at home, or on the go. I've had to rethink my stance on modesty and punctuality because when you are downtown and your baby is hungry, you find a shady spot and hope for a good latch. And then you carry on. 

2): Sleep. I am looking forward to the day that he starts sleeping in four hour increments, with only one feeding a night. Right now, that sounds like Heaven. My sleep is very interrupted and all over the place, but it's okay because I know it's temporary (hopefully!). We have our quiet moments in his nursery, and I rock him and soothe him and feed him back to sleep. And as for me? As soon as my head hits the pillow I am OUT. This kind of tiredness you can't fight. I don't really nap though. I figure if I get anywhere from 5-7 hours of sleep, I can deal with that. And rest when I need to, with my baby laying on my chest.

3): How fast the days pass. We cuddle and snooze in bed from 6 - 9 am. Then we get up and it's feed,  crib time (getting him used to spending time in there) while I shower and try to eat, then more feeding, laundry, lunch, feeding, get out for whatever we have decided to do that day (whether it's a 5 km walk or simply a trip to the village, we get out), feed, nap, feed, and all of a sudden it's time for James to come home and I wonder where the day has gone. At this rate, I will be back at work before I know it. Yikes!

4): How much I want and need a massage. I would probably fall asleep and miss the whole damn thing. And who has time for a massage? Not me anymore!

5): My post baby body a month in has not exactly bounced back. Sure, I'm down 30 lbs or so, but I have this weird ridge above my csection scar that I am wondering if it will ever go away. I have some stretch marks that appeared in very late pregnancy that aren't too pretty to look at. And yet...I don't care. I am proud my body was able to carry my son to full term, and the marks are reminders of the strength if womanhood. So I'll keep breast feeding and walking and eating healthy and maybe I will need to kick it up a notch in the fall, but I'm not going to punish myself. I'm happy with my body, even though my tummy is soft and stretched. 

Silas has changed so much in the last month....so have I.......what will the next month bring?

xh 




Four Weeks Old!

I can't believe our little man is already four weeks old! Was it really a month ago today, RIGHT NOW, that he was in my arms, less than an hour old? That shit cray.

We've come a long way already, baby! I'm exclusively breastfeeding now - no more pumping and no more formula for the time being. At his last doctor's checkup, he was 8 lb 9 oz, so he had exceeded his birth weight. We are on the right track! He makes these cute little sounds when he is getting lots of milk....kind of like a Nomnomnom mmmmmmmmm noise. It makes me feel wonderful :) We nurse on demand, which ideally would be every two hours during the day and every three to four at night, but at this point there is no rhyme or reason to his patterns. He smiles a lot when he has a boob in his mouth. 

He's so much more alert now - he looks around, and follows my voice. He is very awake in the mornings. Sometimes at 5 am I look down and see these bright little eyes looking up at me and I think my heart might explode. He sleeps from around 8-10:30 pm, then from 11 - 1:30 or 2ish if I am lucky, and then one or two little wake ups somewhere between 3 and 6, and then again at 6ish. So yeah. Our sleep is a little crazy right now, but he's growing and it's not too bad. My FAVORITE part of this routine is after his last early morning feed....I bring him into bed with me for snuggles and we get a great couple of hours of sleep with him safe in the crook of my arm. I can't tell you how much I like co-sleeping. It makes James nervous that we are starting a bad habit, but since he spends the majority of his night in his own bed, and you can't spoil a newborn, I am going to enjoy this time. It's THE BEST. I can now totally see why parents choose to co-sleep entirely. It's easier. It's lovely. Everyone sleeps better..............hmmmmm ..............no, no, no. We said we wouldn't go there, didn't we? 

He's starting to lift his head, and his neck strength is forever improving. He makes these little laughing noises, and is starting to experiment with sounds. I can put him in his crib for 20-30 minutes at a time on his own, and he loves looking at his aquarium. This gives me time to shower and eat breakfast. He let's me know when he's done. 

He seems to like it when I sing to him and calms when we talk him through a diapers change. He pees through his diapers sometimes due to the stupidity of their design and sometimes I pay for that by also having to change MY outfit. Like today, when he peed into my crotch and I had to change my dress and underwear less than 10 minutes after having a shower ;) 

He brings me so much joy on a daily basis. His dad is enamored by him. Our lives have been forever changed and enriched by his presence. Every little thing he does is magic. Even his farts, which DELIGHT us. 

To celebrate, I took some pictures. 

Take One: 


Take Two: 



xh

Monday, July 07, 2014

Our Weekend :)



Sleep wasn't a priority for one Mr. Silas William James Oliver. Mom and dad were suuuuuper tired, but managed to make a weekend of it anyways! We spent lots of time together as a family, and went on adventures a'plenty! As usual, I took a lot of photos. There were a lot of "firsts" to be captured, after all. 

Silas's first time at Canoe and he slept through it! Celebratory sparkling cocktails were had. 

Silas's first time in the Ergo! Heading to Family Fun Day at St. Ann's (which was laaaaaame)! We quickly ditched it for Ska Fest. 

They be skankin'.

Silas's first shower with dad! Not tooooo sure. 

Silas's first Pride Parade! 

It's a damn good time. 

It's true. They love me, they REALLY love me! 

A pretty great weekend. The only thing that could have made it better, would have been more if this:

Specifically, between the hours of 11pm and 8am.

Let's work on that, okay son? 

xh






Wednesday, July 02, 2014

Three Weeks Old!



First, a thoughtfully pensive pose.

Next.......over it! 

Saturday, June 28, 2014

Silas at 18 Days Old.....Moments to Remember

The way his newborn clothes are just a little too big still in the arms, even at 18 days old.

The way his ears are slightly pointy, almost elfin. I hope that never changes. Silas means "of the forest"....my little forest elf. 

The sounds he makes when he is gulping back milk from my breast - music to a mother's ears who just wants so badly to be able to nourish her child in this way (it's improving!) 

The myriad of facial expressions he is capable of, all of which melt my heart into a giant gooey puddle. 

The smiles. Which are supposedly not "real" ones yet, but they look real to me and I know with my mother heart it's because he is feeling loved and happy. 

The grunts and snorts and sighs and "chuckles" ....all the sounds he makes in his sleep, even when they keep me awake. 

His precious head of hair. Highlighted and perfectly gossamer. 

His beautiful dark blue eyes, looking up at me as I feed him or hug him close. 

His long fingers curled around my thumb. 

His "angry" cry, which can be so quickly soothed by a booby snack or a cuddle. 

The way I can see his big eyes shining up at me in the dark of the early morning, alert, and taking me in. 

How he catches a glimpse of himself in the mirror next to his change table and becomes entranced. 

The way my whole heart fills when I see him held by his father, gazing into each others eyes. 

The bittersweet knowledge that even though I find the nights tiring, that this time we have together in the darkness of the morning, rocking, holding my sweet baby, is fleeting and I am here to savor these moments in time with him. 

A love so big it's not even describable. I am so lucky I get to spend my days with this little human. 










Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Silas William James Oliver

He's here! And he's two weeks old today. 

Time has flown by in a completely surreal fashion. It was two weeks ago today, RIGHT NOW, as I was walking from the Mother Babe unit to Labor and Delivery to get prepped for delivery. 

I've been meaning to write this little story for ages, but guess what? Parenthood is busy times. Especially when our milk doesn't come in fast enough and you are constantly attached to a baby, an industrial grade breast pump, or sterilizing bottles to make formula to top him up to make sure he's gaining weight and winning the fight against the wee spot of jaundice we came home with. It's exhausting work, but you do it with a smile on your face (mostly), and joy in your heart (always). 

So here's our Silas's birth story....

James and I were at the hospital at 6 am on Tuesday, June 10th. We were ushered into a room, and I was hooked up to an IV. And then....we waited. Our delivery was scheduled for 9:30 am, which means we had three hours to kill. Which meant we had three hours to get excited, get apprehensive, dream about breakfast sandwiches (me. I was hungry), and try and rest. We had gotten very little sleep the night before, so we just tried to relax as much as we could. I was, however, feeling a teensy bit anxious about what was to come. Because, you know, at some point that morning, they were going to CUT MY BABY OUT OF ME. 

At 10 am they finally came to collect us, and we walked to the OR. James left me to get into scrubs while I was getting prepped for surgery. I was given a spinal, which takes effect almost immediately, and before you knew it, I couldn't move my legs. Weird. I could still feel things at this point, but sensation was fading fast. At this point, they put in a catheter, and the anesthesiologist was telling me to let him know if I was feeling nauseated (yes. Yes I was, so he gave me some stuff). 

< Side note: a good portion of the pre-op conversation revolved around how awesome my eyelashes looked. YES! EYELASH EXTENSIONS FTW! >

At some point, they placed a sheet up, blocking my view of my lower half, and James was brought into the room. I was so happy to see him, because even though I am pretty sure they had given me something to keep me calm, it was nice to be able to look into his eyes and acknowledge the weirdness of what was about to happen. Because it is weird. 

The OB casually mentioned that he had made the first few cuts, and I was like...whaaattt? Can't feel it. Strangely felt like it wasn't my body below the sheet, just my head floating near this other person's body. They were amazing at explaining what was going on, keeping me reassured that it was going fantastically, and then all of a sudden I heard crying and it was my baby, entering this world at 11:04 am with gusty, angry cries, pretty pissex off to have been pulled so rudely from his little home. James managed to capture this moment on camera, and even though it's a little blurry, it's pretty amazing. 

He was placed on a table to my right, and in was able to get my first view of him while the pediatrician checked him over. He was still crying, and as a result was able to clear his lungs on his own (something csection babies often have trouble with as they were not pushed through a birth canal). Go lungs! He was deemed perfect, and soon after James was able to cut the umbilical cord, which I was unable to see. 

They wrapped the baby up and brought him over to me, awkwardly holding him to my head, as I was busy being stitched up and oh yeah, my arms were velcroed to the table, soooo. The stitch up job took about 25 mins or so, then I was transferred to the recovery room with James and our baby and I was able to hold him skin to skin and breastfeed him for the first time. It was incredible. 

We were in recovery for about two hours, as I could not feel or move my legs for quite some time. It was rather lovely though, just me and James and Silas, getting to know each other. I recall feeling very peaceful. 

We were wheeled back to our temporary room, and eventually we welcomed our parents to meet their new grandson. The rest of the day is a bit if a blur. All I know is we were in love. 

Pain wise, day two was the worst it got for me. They took out my catheter that morning and so I had to get in and out of bed to pee. The effects of the spinal wear off after about 18 hours, and OH MY GOD did it hurt. I couldn't take the meds they normally prescribe (non-steroidal anti-inflammatories are bad for Crohn's), so I was on Tylenol every 6 hours, and either morphine or dilaudud every 4 hours. However, it was in such small doses, it barely took the edge off the pain. It sucked balls. I thought this was going to be a rough few weeks, but then came 6 am on day three and I found myself refusing any more pain meds because all of a sudden, it was manageable. And it has totally not been an issue. C-sections are a breeze! I still gave minor incision pain, but by the time we left the hospital, I knew I had it under control. 

Our hospital stay was good. We got our private room (THANK GOD), and James was my sanity and savior. He was (is) incredible with Silas. Such a natural dad. I would have been lost without him, as he did everything for the first few days thanks to my surgery. I fell more in love with him with ever passing minute. 

We ended up having to stay one more night because Silas lost just over 10% of his birth weight, thanks to my sucky milk supply (due to the c-section? Who knows). He was also low/intermediate jaundiced. I spent hours hand expressing colostrum to feed him via a syringe, and then finally got a breast pump on the final night so I could fatten him up so they would let us go home. I was trying to avoid having to use formula, and it did appear to be working as he gained overnight, and they let us go. 

I fed him by breast only at home for the next two days, but sadly, still not enough milk. When we weighed him Monday at the doctor's, he had lost weight again. So it was off to the drug store to rent a hospital grade pump. And when I saw how little I was able to pump (at that point, less than half an oz, both breasts combined, after 15 mins), I gave in and had James mix up the formula. And then cried about it. Because formula. 

However, by the next day, he had gained 16 grams, so I got over feeling sad about having to supplement with formula, and realized my job was to feed and fatten this kid, no matter what the source. Still, breast is best, and formula is second best, and a week in, I still feel guilty every time I feed him the second rate stuff. However, by the time he was weighed again two days later, he had gained 65 grams, so I knew I was doing the best for my baby. He gets weighed again tomorrow, so I hope we're on the right track. Jaundice is no longer a concern, as by Friday is bilirubin was down to 200, so there's that! 

I'm not 100% sure I will ever be able to exclusively breastfeed without formula. I HOPE to, and my milk supply is definitely increasing, but I am not sure what the future holds. If I have to continue to top him up, I'll be in the market for organic formula. This free stuff the doctor gave us is good quality, but I'll be shopping around if I need to. I'm able to pump just under two oz now in 30 mins, a few times a day. I hope this extra stimulation will help things along so I can get him off the other stuff ASAP. 

Small feeding issues aside, these last two weeks have been wonderful! Yes, I am sleep deprived, and a little tired of that damn pump, but I am enthralled with this little person who I spend my days and nights with. We've totally got this. I have been able to get out for walks, appointments, and welcomed visitors. We've gone to a BBQ, and on a Father's Day outing, and to get bloodwork. I shower and dress every day, manage to remember to eat, and do loads of laundry. James went back to work early to save holiday time for the lake, because I got this so covered. I don't even know what I was worried about. Being Mommy feels so natural. 

We miss daddy when he's gone though. And there are some days when me and Silas don't leave the house at all. We cuddle and rest. And that's okay too. 

Happy two weeks, Silas bear! We love you with everything we have. 

And now....a montage:

Moments before leaving to delivery....

In recovery with our brand new baby!...... 

Me and my brand new son.....

The little details....

A family photo shoot....

Home....

These hands!

Two weeks old!!! 


Love. So much love.

xh












Sunday, June 08, 2014

Two a Days!

In less than 2 days we're having a baby. 

This precious gift, so long awaited and wanted and wished for and prayed for. He will be here in less than 48 hours. 

I'm calm....until I Google c-section birth photography. Then I cry. Because even though my baby won't be caught by my own hands or birthed in water, he'll be entering the world on Tuesday and it will be beautiful in its own way. I don't feel sad that I won't get to "experience birth" as it was meant to be experienced. It seems overrated, to be honest. It seems ferrel. Animalistic. Painful. God's cruel gift to women. The price we pay for the privilege and miracle of growing life inside our wombs. Which, let's be real here, I'll be paying for in my own way for around 6 weeks during the much longer recovery time.
But I'm okay with that. I'd be a lot more anxious right now if I knew I had to push this sucker out. YIKES. 

I have loved every minute of this pregnancy. I am so blessed to gave experienced this after four years of trying and waiting and hoping. It's been amazing and life changing. I wouldn't trade it for anything. 

We get to meet our son soon. I look forward to the quiet and the chaos that life is about to bring us. I can't wait to see James hold him, read to him, bathe him. I can't wait for our new family. There's just another day or two of waiting, and then a few days in the hospital before we get to bring him home!

It's so surreal! 

Wow. Wow. Wow. Wish us luck, safe delivery, and health! 

See you on the other side! 

xh

Wednesday, June 04, 2014

38 Weeks

6 more days! Eeeeek!

The hospital finally phoned me. I'm to go in on the 9th to get bloodwork, and it won't be until then that I know when I am to come in for the actual delivery. So, day before. I was hoping to have a time in my calendar already, but I guess this still beats the not knowing of natural childbirth (depending on your obsession with schedules I suppose). 

He could literally come at any time though. I feel like I am holding a bowling ball in my uterus. My hips are sore, and I have taken waddling to a whole new level. Some ladies I follow on Instagram who had the same or similar original due date as mine (June 17 - based on a 40 week pregnancy), have already gone into labour and delivered....so....this could literally happen AT ANY TIME. 

This is exciting and terrifying. I am pretty calm about it because I have to be. I can't control anything at this point except how I handle whatever is to come. I am nervous that things could go wrong, or our baby won't be born healthy (though nothing has indicated that this would be the case), that I am never going to sleep again (which I have been training for since about February). But I feel, overall, calm...if not a little emotional here and there. We're as prepared as we ever will be. 

So I'll just enjoy the next 6 days - my alone time, time with just James, time with my mom and dad, time with friends. I have a small list of tasks - chores, cleaning etc, but otherwise my time is my own to enjoy. This feels luxurious, and I know I will look back on these last two weeks as a gift. The gift if time, contemplation, relaxation, organization, reflection. 

I have a doctor's appointment today, I have to return my company car tomorrow (booo), I have to start my EI application process, I am getting a pedi and eyelash extensions on Friday. And then, it's the weekend...our last weekend of just us! I want to go out for a fancy dinner and hold hands and cherish and celebrate the twosome that will soon become a threesome. 

So soon! 

xh

Sunday, June 01, 2014

My Pre-Baby Vacation


Currently at 37 weeks and 5 days, yo! It's June 1, which means there are only 9 more days until this little man makes his scheduled arrival into our lives and this world. Unless he comes early, which is always a possibility. 

I'm now complaining a bit about the last stages of pregnancy. I think I am allowed a few minor complaints considering it's been all rainbows and kittens to this point. 

1. I am huge. Moving is becoming increasingly challenging and I actually might be turning into a Heffalump.

2. My ankles swell even when I sit with them straight out in front of me. Not cute. 

3. *TMI ALERT* I am, for someone with Crohn's, constipated. This means my normal morning routine of waking up, taking a speedy bm and getting on with the day, has been replaced by...wake up, sit on toilet, wonder why nothing is happening, retreat, drink hot lemon water, try again, be amazed that constipation is even in my vocabulary, perhaps a few grunts, then finally success, consider taking. A picture to post on ratemypoo.com (but of course I do not do this, though I feel like I would win). I do not want hemmroids, so this whole process is all about taking the time. And I guess I'll have to start eating prunes. And....moving on. 

4. My hips get sore. And sometimes when I walk, it feels like *someone* is punching my bladder. I'm also out of breath. I take stairs as much as I can, but it's not pretty. I make old man noises wherever I go. Yep, definitely passed the graceful stage of my pregnancy, if there ever was one.

5. Hormones are interesting. Haven't really experienced too many hormonal outbursts throughout this pregnancy, but yesterday morning I felt like crying, so I said to James "I feel grumpy and irritable for no reason", and then all of a sudden I started crying, which turned into more like a wailing sob (mouth muppet style), which turned into laughter. He stared in amazement, but also support, so it did not escalate further than this. And then I was fine. He's pretty great, you know?  

That's it really. Minor complaints, and I'm happy to deal with them. I would have included insatiable hunger on the list too, but I am not complaining about that. That is a bonus. FOOOOOOOOD. Considering I am now my heaviest weight ever by about 23 lbs, I should just roll with it. I'll lose the weight eventually. I'll probably have to go grain free/sugar free again to lose the stubborn remainders, but that's okay too. Done it before, I can do it again. In the meantime, give me all the carbs and all the desserts. I will eat all my fruits and veggies too. Basically, I will eat it all.

Soooo, whilst I've been on my first week of vacation, I've had quite a relaxing time, for the most part. I've done lots of baby laundry, ironed and nested of course (being a stay at home mom is exhausting yo!), but I have also taken the time for ME. 

I've had a maternity massage at Aria Health and Wellness, I've experienced weightlessness in an isolation tank at Float House (pretty cool experience, felt very womb like - will maybe do a separate blog post about this), enjoyed a day in the sunshine at the Boathouse Spa and Baths with my mom, been to a rooftop BBQ, relaxed at the beach with friends. Not bad at all! And I've got one week of vacation left - 9 days to be precise!! What will I do with myself THIS week? 

Stay tuned. 


Tuesday, May 27, 2014

37 Weeks

So my nights go a little something like this: Pee. Get in bed. Get up to pee again 10 minutes later. Fall asleep. Get up every hour and a half for the next 7 hours to empty a bladder that is once again incomprehensibly full. It's like, am I sleep walking during the 90 minute stints, and guzzling gallons of water? Because this makes no sense, science. How? 

The bright side is my sleep cycle is so interrupted that I imagine my nights with the baby won't be THAT much of a shock. I haven't slept a straight 8 hours through in....I don't even know how long. Months. Maybe I never will again. And yet, strangely enough, I am functioning. I get up at 7:30 even though I am on HOLIDAY and there is no reason to. And yet my body compels me to. It's almost super human. 

In two weeks today, I will be delivering my baby boy. One swift cut to my lower abdomen, and he'll be here. I am hoping I will immediately hear a great big cry, indicating that all is well. I am hoping that the whole experience won't be super weird (hahahah as if there is a chance that a c-section isn't going to be a totally weird/amazing/ridiculous experience). I am not especially anxious about it....but talk to me on June 9th and that may be a different story. 

All I know is that I am ready to meet this little man. 

We have everything we need to welcome him into this world. Aside from the obvious - love, shelter, food (BOOBIES!), my family and friends have been absolutely wonderful in helping us start our new life as a threesome. I had a second baby shower on Sunday (spoiled much!?) that consisted of cousins and aunts, and family friends. Let me tell you, this baby is going to be the best dressed kid in town. He now has so many cute onesies and outfits I won't need to buy a thing for his first year, or maybe never because of all the gorgeous gifts from these ladies and also the hand me downs courtesy of my cousin Shannon and her son Bennett. Everything is SO FREAKING CUTE! 

We are set. I've got clothes, diapers (for a few weeks anyways), diaper cream, nipple cream, breast pads, breast pump, milk bags (not my nickname), baby book, baby foot imprint maker, books, change pad, crib sheets, bassinet sheets, receiving blankets, burp cloths, baby bath bucket, toys, stuffies, high chair, stroller and accessories, two ring slings and an ergo, hats, socks, ten pairs of shoes (TEN!), soothers, the list....goes...on. 

Some pics from the second baby shower, held at Nancy's house: 


Spoiled! Between the two showers, and the generosity of everyone in our lives, I'm feeling overwhelmed by how much this baby is already loved! 

And, I'm completely shocked it all fits in the baby's room. Any and all overflow is in bins at my parents place, AKA Gregg Storage Inc. Clothes from 9 - 24 months reside there. For now. 

I wrote all my thank you cards yesterday and hand delivered 75% of them with my mom. People were shocked I got on it so early, but if not now....when? I want people to know we appreciate everything! And if the baby comes early.......they would never get done. Let's be real.

I need to pack my hospital bag still. I think I am in denial. Because I am measuring at 39 weeks already, I wonder if he will come early......I better get on this! Time to pack the granny panties! 

Since I am on holidays now (SO GREAT TO NOT BE WORKING BTW), I am slowly making my way through things I need to do.....laundry for all the little clothes, last minute organizing of any miscellaneous items (like where to put his books?), looking at our mortgage options, applying for EI.....etc.....I am still making time for massage, pedicure, and hangsies at the OBBH Mineral pools.  Because holidays and growing a human, ok? 

xh

Wednesday, May 21, 2014

36 Weeks

Thirty six weeks pregnant means we only have three more weeks until it's go time! We'll be meeting our little man on June 10th, 2014, at thirty nine weeks. I have yet to receive my actual delivery time or any details from the hospital with regards to the day itself (which is driving me crazy), but I'm hoping for the first slot of the day, since I was booked in so early. Less chance of getting bumped that way, I figure. Fingers crossed! 

I basically stopped working as of last Thursday, even though my official last day is this Friday. I am still "available", but everything at this point should be going through Julie, so when I sent my laptop in last week that's what my out of office and farewell email said. I attended one final meeting of our largest client yesterday, and had a brief discussion with Julie about her game plan. And then I came home. And I am home today, as I sent her off to Nanaimo on her own (car rides + heat = swollen feet and sore back). I will work half a day tomorrow after my doctor's appointment, and then.....I am dunzo! 

I have two weeks of glorious freedom! With absolutely zero plans, aside from the following:

- pack my hospital bag
- sort out a book shelf for baby for all his new (and old!) books
- clean all his outfits with baby friendly detergent
- clean the house (orrrrr possibly hire someone to do this...orrrrr enlist my mom) 
- get a pedicure
- eyelash extensions (a want, not a need, but this lady wants to look her best with little effort)
- rest
- read 
- sleep (?) 
- cook some meals to freeze for the first few weeks so we don't rely entirely on take out 

I moved the bassinet in our room last night. This required me to temporarily move my bedside table into our closet (oh the joys of small space living!), but it fits snugly right next to our bed. It's kind of weird to think in a few short weeks, there will be a human in there! 

We went to see Godzilla in 3D last night, which might be the last movie we see as a couple of DINKS. I may or may not see a matinee or two on my own during my time off (because hey, why not? Everyone else will be working!). Godzilla was fun. Ridiculous fun. Baby boy kicked his way through the movie, perhaps startled by the sheer amount of noise. 

I feel his little feet on my right side, meaning he hasn't switched positions. He's still in the perfect position for vaginal birth, but of course this doesn't matter in my case! He gets the hiccups regularly, and I still feel thumps and of course those little feets moving about. My stomach, just to the right of my belly button, is numb thanks to the stretching. My belly button has not popped out, but oh my god does it look funny. It's slightly darker than the rest of my stomach, so it kiiiiind of looks like a butthole. I also swear that my stomach is a bit hairier than normal, so these two things combined along with my huge ass scar, are of course super attractive. On the bright side, no stretch marks or linea negra! 

My heartburn is less, though still visits occasionally. I am still peeing every two or three hours at night. I still suck at napping, despite the want and need to nap during the day. My lower back is a but sore, and I have noticed my hips are a little sore when I wake up, and hips don't lie. A few other TMI details could be shared here, but I'll spare you (and my future self). 

I had a moment last week where I was feeling done with pregnancy. I'm tired of struggling to get out of chairs, or off my back like a turtle. I'm tired of not sleeping, but I know this is only going to get worse, so I can't really feel justified in complaining about that! Overall, still, loving being pregnant, and so very thankful for this experience. 

My mom is throwing another baby shower for me on Sunday, this one for her friends and our family. I am looking forward to it! This baby is already spoiled :) 

THREE WEEKS! EEEEEEEEK! (Cue excitement and nervous laughter!) 


Friday, May 16, 2014

35 Weeks

Okay soooo.....I might start feeling a little complainy about pregnancy. The countdown is on, as we're now in our 9th month with about 3 and a half weeks to go. HOLY SHITBALLS.

That means in less than a month, I'll have to be responsible for the life of a tiny human 24/7 from now on. Well, presumably they won't always be tiny, but once this baby is born, I'm a mother until the day I die. That's kinda cray.

I'm starting to....enjoy being pregnant slightly less than I was. Don't get me wrong, I am still in love with this experience, I'm just starting to get a weeeeee bit over some of it.

I'm kind of sick of the swollen ankles that have taken over my life. Like, my feet no longer fit into my shoes....I had to wear Birkenstocks to all my meetings on Wednesday. That's hot. And by the end of the day, I had rolls in my ankles. Like fat baby rolls. And compression socks? It's too damn hot for socks! I wore them with my boots last night to dinner and when I got home they had literally left argyle imprints on me. Observe:

                       


I'm also starting to get uncomfortable at night....my hips and lower back are just a bit cranky, and I find it hard to sleep past 5:30 am or so. I have a body pillow which to be honest, is more of a pain in the ass than anything. It's too big, too hot and too annoying to move from side to side when I need to shift. I also have a little wedge that is supposed to support your bump or go in between your knees but...really? It's also kind of useless. Let's face it, my days of a solid 8 hour uninterrupted sleep are over, and have been for months now, thanks to peeing. In my first and most of my second trimesters, I couldn't get enough sleep at nigh, but now? NOPE. 

I'm really over working now. I have officially five days left, and I can barely make myself care. My mat leave replacement has been training with me for six weeks now, and so I feel like she can take over (considering I got three days of training!?).  I had to send my laptop to head office for transfer of access to her yesterday morning, so now I am officially useless aside from being there to support her. I left her to her own devices yesterday and today, and she is on her own next Wednesday. Tuesday and Thursday we work together, and by Friday I am officially officially done. CANNOT WAIT. I swear that I am getting dumber by the day, so it's probably more detrimental to have me do things that are not related to the major life task at hand I have before me. 

I'm looking forward to my two weeks holiday before baby boy gets here (we may have decided on a name!!) and mentally and physically preparing myself for the crazy wonderful scary amazing stuff that is about to come our way. I'm feeling so much more ready to meet the little fellow than I was a few weeks ago, when I thought maybe I would be happy to stay pregnant forever (just nerves as it turns out). 

Nesting really helped. Organizing made me feel ready to take on the world. Who knew?

xh

Sunday, May 11, 2014

Reflections on Mothers Day

So it's Mothers Day. Is it technically my first? I guess it depends on who you ask. Did I become a mother the moment I conceived? I lean towards yes, although I know the last 8 months has been the easy part. For me, pregnancy has been a completely joyful experience. I love it so much that I almost don't want it to be over....which, I think, is partly nerves and partly the fear that I will never get to indulge in Netflix marathons again. Or poop alone. 

I've been reflecting today on moms. I know, without a doubt, that I am one of the lucky ones. My mom is a crazy good mom. Always has been, always will be. Will I be like her? Can I possibly fill those shoes? I don't know. I hope so. I can try. All we can do is promise to try our best and the rest will surely come together. 

I want to teach my kid the values that my mom instilled in me....compassion, kindness, loyalty, perseverance, caring for others, sense and sensibility. I hope that I can teach these things as much as I hope they are a part of his nature. His father is all of these things too, so the odds are in our favor, I believe.

I hope my relationship with my son will always be strong and close. I hope I will know when to let go and when to hold on tight. I hope we will teach each other more about life than I could ever imagine. 

As the weeks of my dream pregnancy dwindle, I find myself filled with a mixture of emotions....excitement, anticipation, nervousness, and the small anxieties of the unknown. The love I feel for my little kicking fellow has been there all along, and I am looking forward to finally meeting him in person, this little creature inside me. I can't wait to see him in his father's arms. That is probably the moment I am most looking forward to, actually. 

We celebrated my first Mother's Day by setting up the nursery. This task has been on my to-do list for months, and I was starting to worry we'd be those people that didn't do it until after the baby was born. Not really an option in 700 sq feet.  It's a challenge in a small home such as ours, because everything that was in the baby's room needed to find a new home...somewhere else entirely. We finally got it cleared, and James spent hours doing the rest yesterday. The icing on the cake was spending his Saturday night putting together the crib and the glider chair. 

These blue tasks (man jobs!), meant that I was able to finally get my nest on today. With the dresser, crib and chair set up and in place, I was finally able to start going through the gifts and clothes we have received and putting everything in its right place. We are rich with clothes! We have no room for stuffed animals (two is enough) or toys, for now. But it's a lovely, calm, organized space and I am thrilled to be 90% complete. All we need is some hanging wall shelving for books, and to steam clean the carpets, and to finish washing all the little outfits....and we're good to go. 

                      

I am thoroughly grateful to be on top of this. With a month left to go, I'll be ready in no time. I want to spend my two weeks of holidays relaxing and mentally preparing for my wee man's arrival, not rushing to complete the nursery. Even though he won't be sleeping in here for a while yet, it was important for me to get this done so he has his space ready to roll. It feels amazing. 

So, one month until I become a mother in real life. With a person on the outside who will be entirely reliant on me. Terrifying and glorious. 

xh



Tuesday, May 06, 2014

Tofino - Birthdays & Babies

James and I joined our friends in Tofino this weekend to celebrate the birthday of Morley (officially a grumpy old man at the tender age of 36). 

This was kind of a "babymoon" for us, as it will be the last Tofino trip with just the two of us piled Into our car with surfboards and a cooler (and 10 of our friends). We had decided somewhere along the line of this pregnancy not to go away anywhere that would be too pricey as we have big plans for my mat leave (a month in Mexico perhaps, next winter), and decided to be responsible adults about it. So a little weekend in Tofino seemed like a convenient and good idea to replace our grander designs of a last minute pre-baby trip to Hawaii. 

Sara rented a gorgeous house on Jensen Bay, complete with a suite to accommodate all guests. Two kitchens, four bathrooms, two living rooms, a huge wrap around deck, a fire pit, a view of the bay and two hot tubs (one of which I turned down to 99 degrees so I could enjoy it too). 

James and I had a lovely room with a view, and most importantly, an ensuite bathroom to ourselves. Win for the thirty seven times I had to pee during the night. It was, however, a double bed.....which, when one becomes used to a king and is the size of a hobbit house, becomes a little cozy. It was a soft bed though and the sleep I managed to get was good. Haha, who am I kidding? I don't get good sleeps anymore! Between going to bed at 3 am both nights (I was dubbed the most partiest of pregnant people, which is hilarious), the constant getting up, the crying baby in the next room....I came home even more sleep deprived that usual. Worth it though :) 

We brunched and feasted all weekend long. James got in a five hour surf session with his buds, so he was a happy man. I found myself alone for a couple of hours one afternoon, as I wasn't surfing and I knew the hike to the downed WWII plane would be too tough for me, so I went for a waddle along South Chesterman, heading North. Where north and south meet, I had to turn around and head back as I, you guessed it, needed to pee again. And I currently don't trust my balance enough to pee in the woods. I then had a little "nap" (in quotes because I suck at naps), and relaxed in the hottub with Monique and baby Juliette (the tub being a comfortable 96 degrees at this point). 

We bbq'd that night, and built a big fire in the pit outside. The boys did a few rounds of grenades (aka trouble in a cocktail glass), which caused some questionable decisions to be made (a bigger fire, playing soccer in the house), and the women to do what we do....admonish and restore control ;)

On Sunday, we had to clear out so it was off to Florencia to check out the waves, and then convoy to Port Alberni, where we had lunch at The Clam Bucket (pretty delicious!). James and I arrived home around 6, exhausted. We ordered some Vietnamese takeout and watched Star Wars because it was May the Fourth. And because nerds. 

And now....for a picture montage! 














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